quiet, this is a library

[lifes_sake]

Cam's in the library, waiting for Renée. "Waiting" here means "browsing until a quarter hour after ostensible meeting time". Renée is supposed to meet him here - on the way home for both of them, him from high school and her from elementary where she teaches kindergarten - but she is rarely punctual. Her co-workers or stray parents or the principal keep her after and Cam does notebooking, does homework, looks at the contents of shelves. It's a fine arrangement.

Today the contents of shelves don't seem so pleased with the setup, and one attacks him when he stumbles into a stack. Specifically, it tumbles onto his head. That's gonna hurt for a while. He picks it up to tuck it away again.

It says, So You Want To Be A Wizard.

Heh. Mis-shelved. This is a nonfiction row. Or maybe it's about stage magic or something? Cam's not going to find any use in that either, he can just about eat dinner without impaling himself on a fork and certainly shouldn't be handling delicate props, but it could be diverting while he waits for Renée and he wasn't finding anything else. He flips it open.

It's more interesting still than that; it's presenting itself like an actual guide to wizardry. This'll kill a whole afternoon with pleasant escapism. Cam checks it out, then turns around and spots Renée coming down the sidewalk. He bags the book and goes out to meet her.

At home, he takes it out of his backpack. The plastic film on it - it did have some, right? Just like every other library book? - is gone. Maybe it didn't have any. He didn't write it down; he's not sure. It doesn't look like a library book now. But it still says So You Want To Be A Wizard and he still wants to pretend to be a wizard for a bit, kill some time, put off U.S. History homework. He flips it open. He reads.

Comments

[pythbox]

"Hi," the muffin echoes.

[lifes_sake]

"...How's being a muffin treating you?"

[pythbox]

This is apparently too complex a question for the muffin; it utters the muffinly equivalent of "Ehhh...?"

[lifes_sake]

"Do you have... thoughts?" Cam tries, encouraged.

[pythbox]

"I'm a muffin," says the muffin.

[lifes_sake]

"Yes, you are a muffin. Okay. Do you care if you get eaten? Would that hurt you or bother you at all?"

[pythbox]

There is a short pause, then the muffin repeats, "I'm a muffin," in the exact same friendly but not particularly comprehending tone.

[lifes_sake]

Okay. This is not an intelligent muffin, apparently, it's just a muffin that has a voice interface. Maybe he'll eat it after all.

"I'm gonna bite you," he tells it, in case this prompts some sort of more sophisticated or emotional response.

[pythbox]

This prompts no response whatsoever.

[lifes_sake]

He nibbles delicately on the edge of the muffin top, and listens.

[pythbox]

Nope.

[lifes_sake]

Bite. (It really is very good.)

[pythbox]

The muffin continues to express no opinions about its impending digestion.

[lifes_sake]

Okay then. Om nom nom. He's still going to have to talk to a goat; he'll tell Renée that he's experimenting with vegetarianism. She'll probably even experiment with vegetarianism too if he does. He's fourteen and no one will give him a hard time if it turns out not to last long should it be the case that the goats can do nothing beyond identify themselves as goats.

He very deliberately eats through their supply of goat cheese over the course of the next experimenting-with-vegetarianism day, then suggests a visit to Lori. Renée calls Lori, Lori's free, off they go.

Cam wanders into the backyard where the goats hang out during the day. There are three of them, and they have names - Millie and Betsy and Vivian - but he's not sure if they know that they have names, so he walks up to Vivian and says, "Hi, goat."

[pythbox]

"Hi," says the goat. "Do you have food? I want food."

[lifes_sake]

"Not on me, sorry. How smart are you?" he asks. Because the answer is "smarter than a muffin" but there are probably *literally* rocks smarter than that muffin.

[pythbox]

"Are you sure?" says the goat. "Are you really sure?" She attempts to investigate his claims of foodlessness.

[lifes_sake]

"I'm really sure," snorts Cam.

[pythbox]

"But I want food," says the goat. "I can eat this!" And she grabs for his sleeve.

[lifes_sake]

"Is Lori not feeding you enough?" asks Cam, moving his arm out of the way and stepping back.

[pythbox]

"I get lots of food," says the goat. "I want to eat that!"

[lifes_sake]

"You can't have it, it's my sleeve," Cam says. "It doesn't belong to you. How would you like it if somebody ate you?"

Because that is the question, isn't it?

[pythbox]

"I don't want things to eat me," says the goat. "I want to eat things!"

[lifes_sake]

Okay, this goat is not smart. But it's capable of not wanting to be eaten.

"How about your milk, do you care if people take that away?"

[pythbox]

"I like it when that happens!" says the goat. "I also like food."